Going home with out my sweet baby boy was hard.
When we got home, my husband and mom set me up in the recliner in the living room. They put a chair next to me to help me get up and I was surrounded with mountains of pillows, blankets, snacks, water, my phone and my computer. The recliner had become my parking spot.
After we (and by we I mean my mom and Shedrick) finished organizing everything, we sat down to make a list of the things I'd need. At the top of my list was a breast pump. I'd been using the hospital pump and they gave me a hand pump to use until I got one. I knew which pump I wanted as I had done hours of research. I also had no bottles, newborn or preemie sized clothes (as we were anticipating a large baby), diapers, wipes, bath stuff... the list went on and on.
The list was finally complete and I was on to tackle the next hurdle... shopping at Walmart. Hell, who am I kidding, just getting out of my chair, walking, and getting in the car was hard. I made it. It hurt. But I made it. When we arrived at Walmart, Shedrick dropped mom and I off at the door and parked. Then we proceeded to find one of those electric-wheelchair-cart things and I was all set. I can't believe I'm going to share this picture because I look just absolutely awful but I forced a smile and here I am... on our shopping trip.
We gathered up all the necessities, including that precious breast pump (there was no way and no need to get EVERYTHING), and we checked out.
Upon returning home, one of our AMAZING friends had left dinner on our porch. My mom gathered it up and I cracked that pump open and started to brake it in. At the hospital, I had begun and had been maintaining a 20 minute pump session every three hours and I wasn't about to quit.
The next day, Wednesday, was mom's last day with us. That feeling a fear crept back just as it did when I left the hospital. I didn't want her to leave. How were we going to do it with out her? Mom cooked for to stock the fridge and freezer. She cleaned up my house. And we talked. As we talked I relaxed. I could do. I would do it. I had to do it. And I had my husband there to do it with me. We would do it together and again, I felt it, it would be OK.
On Thursday morning mom left. Our wonderful neighbor and friend gave her a ride to the airport. The day was filled with naps, mom's homemade food, tears, talking, and more tears.
Every day I called the NICU. We shared and celebrated every little improvement. I also talked to our social worker from the hospital. She had put us on the waiting list for the Ronald McDonald House. As soon as we got in, we could make the trip to Jackson and I could finally meet Gray.
So there I sat, in my recliner, hoping and praying and waiting.
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